the only reasonable delay
to get something done
is to take a smoke break.
all else looks weak.
so start smoking.

if you want to steal
a 10 kg block of cheese
and a brick of cooked ham,
hide them in the sleeves
of your winter jacket 
with the cuffs knotted
twice. walk out
casually, but don't
swing your arms.

know the bus 
route to work.
know the walking 
route to work.
have a back up ride.
keep enough cash 
on hand for a cab.
staying late to help
out the night before
will not buy you grace
for arriving late the 
next day.

first in, first out
is a practical method
for using products
before their due date.
it also philosophically
regulates who
gets first offering
to leave early
on slow nights.

pretend to know
how to fix things.
even if you break it
more while trying
to fix it, your money
saving efforts will 
be appreciated.
and if you injure 
yourself in doing so,
rare sympathies 
will be given.

do not pick up 
your check until 
the end of your shift
and you are walking out
the door. store it in your 
pocket during a 10 hour
shift and it will be
a mashed up 
sweat soaked
mess at the end of the night.
and the accountant 
might not be able to 
cut a new check
until the next week.

do not date anyone on staff.
if they eff up, 
you are accountable.
if you eff up,
they are accountable.
if you each eff up,
more than once,
at the same time,
you're both fired.

don't drink before work.
don't drink during work.
don't drink at work
after your shift.
staying at the bar
once you have clocked
out increases the odds 
of getting called back 
in to help.

asking for a raise
means you are willing
to do any job in the 
kitchen that you are
qualified to do. 
skill trees expand
exponentially not 
like a web that you 
will never escape from.
More money made
means more 'ands'
in your job description.

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